I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
