my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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