So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
