9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
