dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there was a trapeze. enough said
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
