she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
