you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
