1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
