$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
