Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
