I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
