I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
