Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
