I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
