dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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