Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
