My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
