Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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