um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
