Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
