Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
