Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
