Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
