haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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