i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
