And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
