call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
