I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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