so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
