All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
