I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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