i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
