hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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