new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
