you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
