Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
