So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
