Will you blow on my dice?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
