I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
