Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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