so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
