just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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