You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
