no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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