Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
