I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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