grandma shit on top of the toilet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
