I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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