What did we do last night that was yellow?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
