Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
