I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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