She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
