let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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