and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
