careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
