Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
